Life Tilt (Rant Post)

I really don't know what to do. It seems like anything I do fails in poker. I don't really understand and it's starting to get to me. Today I played by far the best poker I have in a really long time. I played close to flawlessly and was/am very happy about how I played. I can't say I've ever played better over such a long period of time for a full session. I played from 12:45 until around 1:25AM, over 12 hours straight, and played absolutely amazing. 

I got really close to huge scores so many times today. I got ~150th in the Warmup, 69th in huge 100r, ~150th in FTOPS 6-Max, 32nd in 150R, and 16th in the $500/$500K. I was one-tabling the $500/$500K for multiple hours and played very well. I managed to run ridiculously bad and continuously recover. I had TT lose to 99 for a monster pot with 50 left, then KK lost to 66 for a chip lead pot with 18 left.

There's nothing else I can really do but to just keep grinding and hope I stop running like this. It's starting to get really gross but whatever. The best players are able to take these runs and get over them. It gives me a nice reality of how bad MTT variance really is. I see all of these players that just constantly run extremely well and win everything. Most are very cocky and don't understand the extent of the variance that one can suffer. It's alright though. I'm really young and have a lot of time left in my career to get over it. 

I never really cared about recognition and stuff before, but I'm starting to honestly get jealous of a lot of these players who have won a huge sums of money online. I've played with most if not all huge winning high stakes MTT regulars. I honestly feel like I'm on par with a lot of them and better than some. It's all good though. I hope I'm saving my run good for something really huge. I think I'm around $40K in makeup right now if not a bit less. Not a huge deal, but it just sucks because all of the MTTs I was deep in today had 1st prizes over $60K which would've cleared my makeup and still gave me a nice score for myself. Unlucky I guess. 

Sorry for the huge rant, I really just needed to vent and get a lot of stuff off my chest. I probably come off as ridiculously arrogant in this post, but it's not really so. I'm just super tilted! :)

-Brandon