Life Tilt (Rant Post)

I really don't know what to do. It seems like anything I do fails in poker. I don't really understand and it's starting to get to me. Today I played by far the best poker I have in a really long time. I played close to flawlessly and was/am very happy about how I played. I can't say I've ever played better over such a long period of time for a full session. I played from 12:45 until around 1:25AM, over 12 hours straight, and played absolutely amazing. 

I got really close to huge scores so many times today. I got ~150th in the Warmup, 69th in huge 100r, ~150th in FTOPS 6-Max, 32nd in 150R, and 16th in the $500/$500K. I was one-tabling the $500/$500K for multiple hours and played very well. I managed to run ridiculously bad and continuously recover. I had TT lose to 99 for a monster pot with 50 left, then KK lost to 66 for a chip lead pot with 18 left.

There's nothing else I can really do but to just keep grinding and hope I stop running like this. It's starting to get really gross but whatever. The best players are able to take these runs and get over them. It gives me a nice reality of how bad MTT variance really is. I see all of these players that just constantly run extremely well and win everything. Most are very cocky and don't understand the extent of the variance that one can suffer. It's alright though. I'm really young and have a lot of time left in my career to get over it. 

I never really cared about recognition and stuff before, but I'm starting to honestly get jealous of a lot of these players who have won a huge sums of money online. I've played with most if not all huge winning high stakes MTT regulars. I honestly feel like I'm on par with a lot of them and better than some. It's all good though. I hope I'm saving my run good for something really huge. I think I'm around $40K in makeup right now if not a bit less. Not a huge deal, but it just sucks because all of the MTTs I was deep in today had 1st prizes over $60K which would've cleared my makeup and still gave me a nice score for myself. Unlucky I guess. 

Sorry for the huge rant, I really just needed to vent and get a lot of stuff off my chest. I probably come off as ridiculously arrogant in this post, but it's not really so. I'm just super tilted! :)

-Brandon

Update

I haven't posted a blog in a while. No real reason, just haven't been thinking about it and have been quite busy lately. I'm still running ice cold in MTTs, but FTOPS is coming up in a couple days so hopefully I can turn that around with a couple scores and possibly a gold jersey. FTOPS has been heart break for me in the past though.

I've been playing a lot of cash lately, HUNL mostly. I'm now being coached/staked by Eskabor (EskaborReturns) for 400NL HU. It's a really well ran operation and I'm happy with it so far. I haven't been running very well and I'm only up $1800 after like 10k hands but I'm not too worried about it. I think I'm playing pretty well and learning a lot along the way. Eventually I have to go on a heater in some form of poker IMO.

School is out for summer soon, about another month left. That will be really awesome and I'm looking forward to it a lot. I think it'll be really interesting to see what happens after summer. I have a lot of plans, including playing a lot of poker and hanging out with friends a lot. I've also talked to a couple people about going to Hawaii for a week or two which would be absolutely sick. I've always wanted to go there. It's absolutely beautiful and would be awesome amounts of fun. Would also be a nice break from the boring daily stuff I do all the time. Hopefully that works out and I'm good money wise to blow a couple thousand there. Tickets are like $1K round trip so it'd be an expensive trip, but well worth it if I'm doing well by then. Looking at around July after WSOP since 2/3 of the other people will be going to WSOP and playing the Main. 

I forgot I never updated the essay thing from the last blog. Everything worked out find and I got like a 95% on the essay when it was all said and done which is pretty awesome. She totally forgot about out conversation and apologized for it. No hard feelings, but she did manage to stress the hell out of me for a day or so. 

I'll update again when anything interesting happens. Thanks for reading.

-Brandon